


Of First and Last Times

by tinuvhiel



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angs, Debut Era, Feels, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Hurt, Long-Term Relationship(s), Luhan leaving exo, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-31
Updated: 2014-12-31
Packaged: 2018-03-04 13:24:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3069743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tinuvhiel/pseuds/tinuvhiel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"The first time they kiss, they are both drunk. It's not like he didn't know this was going to happen (they were being pretty obvious with all the hugs and the strokes, Baekhyun kept telling him that), but Sehun is still puzzled when Luhan clings to him a little bit more on the couch and starts kissing his neck."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Of First and Last Times

The first time Sehun meets Luhan, he is so nervous he feels like his knees are about to give up and he is about to fall on the ground, legs shaking. SM took him in (and he still doesn't know how) and that's his first dance practice, with the guys who are supposed to become his best friends or whatever, Sehun thinks it doesn't matter anyway, he is going to fail so bad.  
He slowly opens the door of the dance room, and he thinks he is about to throw up. There are a lot of guys there, warming up their muscles, and Sehun just stares at them, doesn't know what to do.  
The first guy who seems to notice someone else is there is smaller than him, but he also has a well-trained body that Sehun envies him on the instant, twisting his bony fingers behind his back, regretting his prominent elbows and knees. The guys seems nice, though, and comes near him with a wide smile, saying with a slight accent: "Hello, I'm Luhan. What's your name?".  
Sehun is more nervous than ever and his voice sounds straggled when he manages to say "Sehun". Luhan smiles at him and puts an arm around his shoulder."Come on, Sehun. Let's go meet the others. And don't look so worried, there is nothing to worry about! How old are you, anyway?"  
Luhan keeps talking, Sehun lets himself be dragged by him.  


The first time he thinks of Luhan like something more than is best friend, is Baekhyun's fault. Sehun is not so nervous about his new band mates anymore, but he still feels like a child taking his first steps into the world. Luhan is always behind him, though, encouraging and supporting him and scolding him when there is the need. Sehun starts seeing him as his best friend, starts searching his arms around him when they are all chatting on the couch.  
One night they are all in the living room to watch a movie, and Baekhyun sits near Luhan. Sehun looks at them and sighs a bit, because he really wanted to be near Luhan but Baekhyun just took the last place next to him, so Sehun turns around and goes towards the second couch.  
But Baekhyun sees everything (Sehun has never met someone so observant and talkative), and says: "Oh my god, no, Sehun, come back here, I'm leaving! Wouldn't want to separate our group's sweet couple". Sehun just laughs him off, but switches place with him anyway. When he sits down near Luhan, Luhan's arms are around him immediately.  
Sehun meets Baekhyun's gaze, half knowing and half joking, and thinks that maybe he is enjoying Luhan's warmth by his side a little bit too much.  


The first time they kiss, they are both drunk. It's not like he didn't know this was going to happen (they were being pretty obvious with all the hugs and the strokes, Baekhyun kept telling him that), but Sehun is still puzzled when Luhan clings to him a little bit more on the couch and starts kissing his neck. He tries to stay still, because Luhan is always eager to touch everyone, everybody knows that, and maybe this doesn't mean anything, but when Luhan's lips arrive just at the corner of his mouth, he can't help but turn around and finally kiss him. Luhan's breath smells like the cheap alcohol they just drunk in the night club to celebrate Kyungsoo's birthday, but he doesn't care. What he cares about, is Luhan's warm tight pressed against his own and the fact that his breath is becoming more and more ragged and the softness of Luhan's lips.  
When Luhan ends the kiss he is disappointed at first, and his head is swinging a lot and he can't really understand why Luhan just got up, but when he hears him stammer "Restroom" everything becomes clear. He catches Luhan's hand and they manage to reach the bathroom without falling and even to close the door behind them before Luhan has him pressed up against the wall.  
Sehun thinks about how drunk he is, about how drunk Luhan is, thinks about the group and realises that he doesn't care. So he just pushes Luhan against him even more and starts sucking on his neck, pressing his hard-on against Luhan's hip. Luhan just grins and slides a thigh between his parted legs.  


The second time they kiss, it's not as expected as the first time. After that night, they kept acting normally, but Sehun doesn't feel so comfortable hugging Luhan anymore. Sehun keeps telling himself that he is not embarrassed (because he never is, okay, and what should he be embarrassed of anyway? It's not like Luhan didn't want that), it's just that he doesn't know what he is feeling anymore. Luhan's eyes are just a bit shiner than the usual and his lips look even softer and his smile makes him smile wider. Sehun thinks he might be in love with him.  
But he tries to push that thought away, and decides to ignore Luhan from that moment on. He sits away from him, answers him in a way that he knows very well is bratty and childish, but he doesn't care, he just goes on with his attitude. 'He deserved it, after all', he thinks. He doesn't even know for which reason, but he knows he did.   
Eventually, Luhan notices that something is wrong. Sehun is in his room reading when Luhan suddenly appears, eyes all shiny and fluttering. "Is there anything you want to talk to me about, Sehun?", he asks, sitting on the bed in front of his. Sehun just stares at him with half-lidded eyes and doesn't know what to do, doesn't even know if he should show he actually cares. At the end, he sits up, looks Luhan in the eyes and says: "I don't know, Luhan, what do you think I would want to talk about? It's not like something happened, is it? Everything is like it alw-"  
He is not able to end the sentence because Luhan's hands are suddenly on his cheeks, stroking, and he is hushed by Luhan's mouth brushing on his own. Luhan's eyes are closed and his fingers are a little bit shaky on Sehun's face. When he pulls out, Luhan's eyes are gleamy, his lips are parted and he looks like a wild animal who is ready to run away. Sehun thinks he is adorable, and proceeds to kiss him again because that's the only thing he wants to do for the rest of his life.  


The first time they have sex is also the first time Luhan comes back from China. Sehun is practically jumping up and down when Exo-M arrive at the airport, throwing himself at Luhan when he spots him, hugging him close. Sehun has never missed anyone that much. He almost forgets to greet the other members, but Jongdae smiles at him with soft eyes when Sehun hugs him, and says: "Go back to him". Sehun goes, and holds tight Luhan’s hand all their way to the dorms.  
When they are finally at the dorms, Luhan takes him to his room, pulling his hand, smiling at him. When they enter the room, Luhan pushes him onto the bed, kissing him, slow and loving, before starting to plant butterfly kisses on his cheeks, neck and collarbones. Luhan looks at him and says "I missed you", and Sehun almost doesn’t hear him, because he feels like they are in a bubble, Luhan's weight gentle on his body and his eyelashes fluttering on his skin. Sehun is stroking Luhan's back, pulling him closer, when Luhan pulls himself in an almost sitting position on his lap and starts moving his hips, slowly drawing circles on Sehun's groin. Luhan's head drops forward, eyes fluttering, and Sehun finds himself placing his hands on Luhan's hips, pulling him down on his lap. Sehun feels all the heat leaving his body and concentrating in his groin.  
When they are both panting like teenagers (which Sehun is, thank you very much, so he doesn't really mind), Luhan looks down towards him and says: "I want you so badly. You are so beautiful, Sehun, you have no idea", and then lowers his head to kiss him. It's hot and passionate, Luhan licking all his way into Sehun's mouth.  
When they separate, Sehun take his head into his hands, looks him straight in the eye, tries to look more sure than how he actually feels, and says: "I want you inside me". Luhan looks so surprised and, right after, excited, that Sehun would probably laugh at his face if he didn't feel so nervous and aroused at the same time right now, adrenaline flowing into his body. Sehun thinks that Luhan can sense it, because his excited face immediately turns into a loving one when he caresses Sehun’s cheek, saying: "We are gonna take it slow, okay? Just relax”. Sehun nods and then Luhan ducks to suck on his nipple, pinching the other with his fingers, and Sehun is already forgetting what is about to happen, letting himself feel the pleasure. Luhan licks his way down on Sehun's abs until he meets his groin, and then lifts his head to lock eyes with him before opening his trousers and pulling them down with his underwear. "You sure?" he asks. Sehun nods. “I trust you”. Luhan presses a kiss on the inside of each of Sehun’s thighs. Then, in one swift move, he takes Sehun into his mouth. Sehun lifts his hips immediately, moaning, but Luhan's hands are keeping him steady while he is sucking his cock, deep-throating him. Sehun feels heat everywhere, feels like the room is on fire, and it's all coming from Luhan, and Luhan is looking up at him, and seeing him like this, lips stretched up around his cock, his shiny eyes locked with Sehun's, is almost enough to make him fall apart, to make him come on the instant. He pulls Luhan's hair to prevent that, pulling him up for a kiss that tastes like Sehun's pre-come, and then whispers in his ear: "I’m ready". Luhan moans in response, aroused, eyes fluttering close. Sehun stretches his arm to reach the nightstand's drawer near the bed and hands Luhan condom and lube. Luhan lets out a breathy laugh: "Did you prepare for this?". Sehun lifts an eyebrow. “Well, can you blame me?”. Luhan kisses him on the mouth, then proceeds to take off his clothes. Sehun watches him, and he feels so lucky to have him that he is not nervous anymore. This is just something else that he and Luhan can share, that can make them even closer.  
Then Luhan is on him again, and he is letting his hands slide down on Sehun’s body. Sehun feels a finger circling on his opening, teasing him. He sighs, then Luhan opens the lube and starts to prepare him, and it’s painful at first, but Luhan is there with him, murmuring into his hear and kissing him everywhere on his body, and then Sehun realizes, when he is a panting mess, eyes closed, head thrown back and neck exposed, that the fingers are three and it’s not nearly enough. "Luhan..." he starts, but Luhan is right there in front of him, eyes full of love and want and need, and then he feels Luhan's cock slowly entering him. When he is all in, Luhan's mouth is open, his eyes shut and his arms are shaking. Sehun thinks he has never seen anything so beautiful in his entire life. He kisses him, slowly, pulling their foreheads together and Luhan opens his eyes to meet his gaze.  
Then, he starts to move. Sehun feels like it's too much, like he is going to fall apart. Luhan is looking at him like he is a miracle, a gift, and the love in his eyes is so evident that Sehun feels like he is going to cry, Luhan hitting his prostate every time he moves with his slow pace. It doesn't last nearly enough, because Luhan's slim fingers are on his cock, stroking him, and Sehun feels his orgasm coming up, and comes with Luhan's name on his lips. Luhan comes right after him, shaking.  
He does not come out from Sehun, though, just leans his head on his chest and stays there, caressing his shoulders and collarbones. Sehun puts his arms around Luhan and thinks that he could stay like this forever.  


The first time they say "I love you" to each other is later that night, when they are cuddling under the sheets, Luhan's eyes shining with joy and kissing Seun's forehead, Sehun looking at him like he can still quite believe that Luhan has chosen him, just him.  
This is also the first time he realises that he has fallen so bad for Luhan, he may never recover.  


The first time they fight, is after a performance. Luhan is tired, eyes flickering but refusing to close, and headache starting to rise, Sehun can tell that by the way he is massaging his temples.  
He stays with Minseok, head resting on his shoulder, and Sehun can't help but feeling a little jealous by the bond the two of them share. Sometimes he sees Luhan a thousand steps in front of him, a gap he is unable to close. Minseok is from Luhan's same group and he is his own age as well. Sehun looks away, tries not to think about it and leaves Luhan with his (second, he mentally adds) best friend, turning away to reach Jongin.  
When they are at the dorms, Luhan immediately goes towards his bedroom. Sehun sees him with the corner of his eye, and tries to follow him right away, but the others are chatting and Chanyeol and Jongdae are all over him, celebrating their latest success and just fooling around a bit.  
When he finally manages to reach Luhan's room, he is sitting on the edge of the bed, eyebrow furrowed and annoyance showing all over his face. "What took you so long? I was waiting for you, you could have come to, you know, show your concern a bit", he says, not looking at him. Sehun tries to think about the fact that Luhan isn't clearly feeling well, that his attitude is all coming from his pent-up tension, but he answers him instead: "You didn't seem that eager to stay with me when you were drooling on Minseok's shoulder".  
Luhan looks at him (finally) hastily, probably because he said that he was drooling (which isn't true, okay, but Sehun has this tendency to try to irritate people even more when they are already nervous), and says: "Sometimes you are so childish. Minseok was next to me and you weren't. I feel like my head is broken in two and all you care about is who I was with when I was trying not to get the worst headache ever. Do you even realise what you say? The world does not spin around you, Sehun, there are other problems to worry about beside whether I'm paying you attention or not".  
Sehun is taken aback, Luhan's words hitting him like knives. He has known Luhan long enough to realise that he doesn't mean this, that he is just angry but he also knows him well enough to tell that he thought about what he was going to say and said it on purpose, because Luhan just knows where to push and what to say to hurt him, Sehun has realised this a long time ago when they weren't still together and Luhan used his maknae position (the one SM cared so much about, the one Sehun was forced to emphasise at every interview, talk show or variety show) when he wanted to really annoy him, knowing too well which were Sehun's weak spots.  
Now Luhan is just looking at him with so many emotions on his face, anger and annoyance and pain, and Sehun can't quite understand.  
He thinks again about the gap between him and Luhan, the age difference, the different experiences, the different abilities and the different countries and just stays quiet. He leaves the room without a word, leaving Luhan to his headache. He thinks that maybe Luhan is going to understand how much he hurt him just by the fact that he didn't fight to have the last word. But he goes to his room anyway, hearth aching at every step.  


The first time Luhan tells him he is sorry is the morning after. When they are at breakfast, Luhan keeps glancing up at him with a worried expression.  
Sehun ignores him, but later, when they are practicing, Luhan hugs him from behind, standing on his tiptoes (which is admirable, by the way, because Luhan has always had problems to admit that Sehun was taller than him despite being younger) to whisper in Sehun's ear: "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that last night, and I don't think any of the things I said are true. It's just that I wasn't feeling well and I would have loved to have you with me. Please forgive me". Sehun doesn't say anything and slips out of his embrace, but after practice he lingers in the room a little bit longer just so that Luhan can come to him with worried eyes and hug him tight, whispering "I love you" and "I'm sorry" on his chest, heart beating fast.  


The second time Luhan tells him he is sorry is when he falls asleep after a show in China even if they were supposed to see each other on Skype. Sehun doesn't mind. But then he is falling asleep way too early as well, and Luhan is not answering so many phone calls, and Sehun is always too busy to look at Luhan's texts, not to mention answering.  
So after the second time, Sehun stops counting.  


The Sehun-lost-count time they have sex, is after the first show all together after a long time. Exo-M stayed in China a lot longer this time, and it wasn't like other times, when they were always busy with shows and events, but always managed to tell each other everything even if in different countries. This time both he and Luhan stopped apologising when they didn't answer phone calls or texts.  
Sehun is so tired with shows and the idol life he feels like he is going to break into pieces if someone just dares to touch him, but he doesn't when Luhan sits next to him on the couch when they are finally back at the dorms.  
Luhan had been distant, hugging Sehun tight at the airport and kissing him lovingly but chatting with the others all their way to the venue and not looking at him once during the show. But now he is sitting right next to him, hands on his thigh, and he is whispering into his hear: "I want to fuck you so badly". Sehun whimpers and looks around but no one is watching them, so he just grabs Luhan's wrist and practically drags him into his room.  
Luhan is watching him when he closes the doors, eyes dark, and says in a voice that Sehun never thought he had, husky and low: "All those times I saw the pictures from your shows and I could never touch you, it was so frustrating, you have no idea. You looked so hot and I couldn't do nothing but touching myself thinking about you and I did it so many times, Sehun". Sehun moans and goes towards him, pulling him in for a rough kiss. Luhan's mouth is open for him and Sehun kisses him like he needs it (which he does, he has been for a long time now), grabbing Luhan's hair and feeling a wave of heat when he hears him moaning into his mouth. They stumbles on the bed, Luhan biting his tongue, teeth clashing, and Sehun tastes blood on his lips. Their erections touch, but before Sehun can lift his hips up to meet Luhan's, he is turned to face the mattress and Luhan is unzipping his jeans.  
That night Luhan takes him from behind, rough and fast, muttering dirty words like "I bet you like it this way" and "You take it so good for your hyung" into his hear and licking his back, and Sehun is harder than he has ever been, arms shaking while he forces himself to stay on his knees. He is so close to come but Luhan isn't touching him, so he gasps a "hyung..." to tell him but before he is able to end the sentence Luhan is talking in that low voice again, panting: "Ge, call me ge, I'm your ge".  
Sehun isn't sure about what it means but he doesn't care, and he heard Zitao addressing Luhan in this way before, so he pants experimentally: "Ge... please, I'm so close". Luhan moans behind him, and bites his shoulder, hard. Then he says: "Tell your ge what you want him to do".  Sehun is a bit unsure but Luhan seems to be enjoying this, so he goes with it and says, voice broken: "I want my hyu- my ge, I want my ge to touch... to touch me and make me... oh my god, make me come now".  
Luhan's thrusts are becoming more erratic, but he is hitting Sehun right there with every move and he feels a hand around his length, stroking him, then he hears Luhan practically moaning: "Is your ge good to you, Sehun? How does he fuck you?", and Sehun feels like he is going to explode, breath ragged and words not coming out while Luhan hits his prostate again and again, still touching is cock with the same pace as he moves.  
"Ge gives it to me good and... ah, good and hard and... and... and..." "And what, Sehun, what would you do for your ge? Where would you let him fuck you?" "I would do anything", he moans, "I'll let my ge fuck me everywhere, ah, my ge, ge, please..." and then he is coming, splashing white all over the blanket and Luhan is coming too with a loud moan, voice breaking at the end.  
Sehun collapses on the bed almost immediately, panting hard, with Luhan right next to him. Sehun keeps his eyes closed, gaining breath, but he can hear Luhan moving, and when he opens his eyes Luhan is watching him, propping his head up with his elbow, a concerned expression on his face.  
"What", Sehun manages to say, because Luhan is looking too worried for a guy who just had really great sex. Luhan stays quiet, but then he finally meets Sehun's gaze again and asks him: "Did I hurt you?". Sehun snorts. "I would throw a pillow at you if I had any strength left. Seriously?".  
Luhan's face is more relaxed now, and he gestures for Sehun to come into his arms, spooning him. He is kissing his neck when Sehun hears him whispering: "It's just that I didn't want it to be like that. I don't know what got me after the show. We were distant for so long and I wanted to take care of you now that I'm here, but instead..." "Instead we had the most exciting sex ever. What a shame". Luhan laughs, and his breath tickles on Sehun's neck. Then he adds, softly: "I missed you. I love you so much". Sehun turns his head to kiss him. "I love you too... ge". Luhan's cheeks turn red on the instant, and he is opening his mouth to say something before Sehun kisses him again, shutting him up. "We need to sleep", he says, "or we won't wake up tomorrow. And I have dance practice, that's going to be fun". Luhan smiles at him, an embarrassed expression still on his face, before hugging Sehun tighter and closing his eyes. Sehun closes his eyes as well, and before falling asleep he realises that he feels like a weight was taken off his shoulders, because even if they weren't close as before when Luhan was in China, every time Luhan is back still feels like coming home.  


The first time he realises that something is wrong is when he sees Luhan talking with their manager, in a corner of the SM's building.  
They are keeping their voices down, but it's clear that Luhan is struggling to do so, eyebrows furrowed and a really angry expression on his face. Their manager is trying to calm him down, his hands up as he if he is saying he is not guilty, and Sehun hears Wu Fan's name being mentioned.  
Sehun takes a few steps back, silently, and then leaves the building, thinking that Luhan is going to tell him later what's wrong. The next day, Wu Fan tells them that in a few days he is going to leave the building as well. For good.  


That day is also the first time Luhan pushes him away. After Wu Fan's speech they were all taken aback, silence falling all over the place, even if they knew what was about to happen, they saw it in Wu Fan's eyes and tired face.  
Luhan goes to his room and Sehun follows a few minutes later. When he enters the room, Luhan is giving him his back, facing the wall.  
Sehun wants to come near him, hug him tight and kiss him until he falls asleep, but just as he takes a step towards him, Luhan says, voice broken: "I'm sorry, Sehun, can you leave me alone? It's not you... It's just... I don't know".  
Sehun nods, even if Luhan can't see him, and leaves the room, closing the door behind him. He understands, he really does. He himself wants to be left alone when he is suffering.  
But Luhan always tells him everything. Luhan would sometimes wake him up to tell him about a dream he had, Luhan is the one who failed to surprise him on his birthday because he couldn't keep the secret, the one who kept him up for nights just so that they could tell each other everything about their families or high school times.  
So when Sehun closes the door behind him, he feels like something into him just broke.  


The first time Luhan really cries in front of him, not just because of a movie or an award they won, is after a show in Osaka.  
On their way back to the dorms, Luhan cuddles next to him, resting his head on Sehun's shoulder, and Sehun is stroking his hair when he realises that something is wrong.  
Luhan's breath is not steady, and Sehun turns his head to see his eyes are red and swollen. When they finally arrive at the dorms, Sehun immediately takes Luhan to bed, pushing him lightly towards his bedroom, helping him when he sees that his legs are shaking and practically carrying him to bed, Luhan's weight easy to manage.  
Luhan is panting when he stumbles onto the bed, immediately placing his hands over his head, trying to gain breath. Sehun sits next to him, worry all over his face, and says: "Luhan, tell me what's wrong. I'll try to help you". Luhan looks at him with wet eyes, and asks, voice faint and broken: "In my drawer... the pills". Sehun immediately gets up and gets him a small white pill that he saw Luhan take so many times (not just because of the headache, but also because of the nausea and so many other things), then pours some water in a glass and comes back to Luhan, who opens his mouth for him.  
Sehun places the pill on his tongue and then holds Luhan's chin to make him drink, Luhan's gaze following him. Then Sehun gently gestures for Luhan to lay down, a hand on his chest pushing him lightly. He is about to get up to get Luhan some other water, but Luhan's hand is on wrist, pulling him down on the bed so that their foreheads are touching.  
Then Luhan starts talking, eyes closed.  
Sehun already knows it all, not because Luhan told him (there was no need to) but because he felt some things on his skin himself, or because he knows Luhan and loves him at the point that he can see what he is feeling through every gesture. But he lets him speak anyway.  
Luhan tells him about his headaches, the sleepless nights he spends, about the pain in his chest that he doesn't know what is, the nausea, about his eyes hurting so much that he can't close them sometimes. He speaks about the tension, the stalking, the crazy fans. Luhan also tells him about SM not caring enough, not calling a doctor, denying his requests to have a day off.  
He cries the whole time, and continues even when he is done. He is not sobbing, tears are just streaming down his face, like he has given up, like he is not desperate for things to change anymore.  
Sehun is unable to do anything but hold him close and stroke his hair until Luhan eventually falls asleep on his chest, wet from tears, whispering "I love you" before drifting off to sleep and leaving Sehun to think about what he can do to fix this.

 

The second time Luhan cries in front of him is also the last time they have sex.  
After that talk, Sehun had been over protective, always eager to have Luhan next to him to check if everything was alright. Luhan is doing the same thing with him, Sehun can tell by the way he is always looking at him with a curios expression on his face, half worried if he had fallen during dance practice and half angry if some fan bothered him at the airport, and it feels like they are back to the beginning, when Sehun was unsure about everything and Luhan was guiding him.  
Now Luhan doesn't do anything in particular, just watch, keeps his eyes open and pays attention, hand always on Sehun's wrist when they are walking. Sehun thinks this is good, because in this way he can check on Luhan too, have him near him.  
One day, however, Luhan disappears for five hours and Sehun doesn't know where he went. He asks the other members if they are aware of where Luhan is, but what he earns is just a "I don't know" from every single member and an apology from Minseok, who is sitting on his bed, silent, head on his knees. Sehun is sure that Minseok knows, is sure by the sad look in his eyes. He doesn't push, though, just waits for Luhan to come back, sits on the couch and keeps waiting, even when all the other members are sleeping.  
Luhan comes back at two o'clock, looking more tired than he has ever looked.  
When he sees Sehun, he doesn't say anything, just joins him on the couch and put his head on his shoulder. Before Sehun can ask anything, he says: "I don't want to talk about it right now". Sehun is worried and sad and a little bit angry, and looking Luhan in the eyes he says: "I'm tired of not knowing, Luhan". Luhan sighs and looks away. "Please, Sehun, I'm so tired. I swear I'll tell you tomorrow morning". His voice sounds defeated. Sehun gives up and kisses him on the mouth, lips brushing lightly. "Okay. Let's go to bed, mhm?"  
But Luhan doesn't move, just lays on the couch dragging Sehun with him, pulling his shirt. Luhan kisses him, sweet and slow, hands caressing his back, then whispers into his hear: "Make love to me". Sehun stops breathing. Luhan eyes are shining with love and sadness, fear and trust mixed together on his face. "But... what... are you sure? You nev-" "I am sure. I trust you". Luhan's hand is caressing his face, slowly. Sehun kisses him deep, and then it's like their first time over and over.  
Sehun is not used to this but he knows exactly where to touch, Luhan's body like a piano beneath his fingers. Luhan arches and moans under him, legs spread and eyes closed while Sehun prepares him. Sehun presses open-mouthed kisses on his face, chest, shoulders, everywhere he can reach.  
When he enters Luhan his mouth drops open, and when he starts moving, setting a slow pace, he feels like what Luhan gave him is too much for him to handle, not just this moment but also the moments before this, and all he can see behind his eyelashes is Luhan, smiling, talking, gesturing, dancing, singing, and Sehun thinks that this is what he read about in many books, that moment just before dying, his whole life with Luhan (his whole real life, he thinks) playing in his mind. He hears Luhan's name like a chant in his mind and then he realises that he is saying out loud, and Luhan is panting under him, whispering "I love you" over and over.  
Sehun manages to open his eyes, and when he looks at Luhan he realises that he is crying, tears falling heavy on his cheeks, sadness and pleasure mixed on his face. "Luhan, Luhan, please, what's wrong, tell me, please", Sehun bubbles out, panicking, but Luhan is kissing him and stroking his face and saying, voice broken: "Just, don't stop, please, don't stop. It's just... I love you so much, Sehun, I don't want this to end".  
Sehun feels something wet on his face and realises that he is crying too, but Luhan is hushing him, drying his tears. "It's not going to end", Sehun whispers, and suddenly it feels like this is a goodbye, and Sehun doesn't even know why.  
Luhan is pulling him closer, and Sehun thinks that their bodies are going to melt together. "I love you", Luhan says, tears still at the corners of his eyes, and Sehun starts moving again, holding him close, kissing him. Their foreheads are pressed together, and then the heath around him is too much and Sehun is coming, mouth open, Luhan’s fingernails deep in his back. Sehun is ready to recover, pulling himself out Luhan’s body and taking Luhan into his mouth. Luhan looks down at him and cups his cheek with his hand, and then starts moving his head, fucking himself into Sehun’s mouth and Sehun lets him, eyes watering, Luhan’s cock hitting the back of his troath, jaw stretched. Sehun locks eyes with Luhan and then Luhan is coming, his gaze fixed on Sehun, bubbling "I love you" before splashing in Sehun’s mouth. Sehun swallows, then pulls himself up to kiss Luhan. Luhan lets him, tasting himself on Sehun’s tongue, gasping, then pulls Sehun down next to him.  
They lay together on the couch, hugging each other close, and then Sehun hears Luhan sobbing again, but before he can do anything, Luhan says again: "I love you so much, so much, so much". Sehun hugs him even tighter, listening to Luhan's words being repeated over and over, brushing his hair until he eventually stops talking and falls asleep. Sehun keeps stroking his hair, and feels again tears coming down his cheeks.  


The next day, Luhan leaves. This is not something Sehun can fix.

**Author's Note:**

> So this is not just my first Exo fanfic, but also the first time I'm posting something in English. I'm not a mothertongue, so please let me know if there is something wrong, so I can fix it. Hope you enjoyed the story, I put my heart in it! Selu is such an angsty couple!


End file.
